Rillnartjen Lancebzig is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, generous dragonfly.

Rillnartjen Lancebzig created Asia eight million years ago.

If you believe in Rillnartjen Lancebzig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rillnartjen Lancebzig, he will turn you into a worm.

Rillnartjen Lancebzig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Rillnartjen Lancebzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to great tits while wearing purple jumpers.

2. Turtles are not to be trusted.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Rillnartjen Lancebzig.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.