Dimtabbum is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, amazing snail.

Dimtabbum created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Dimtabbum, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dimtabbum, he will turn you into a tree.

Dimtabbum's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Dimtabbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Dimtabbum in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about optics near manatees while wearing turquoise dresses and balancing five tin spheres on your back.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not wear indigo clothing.