Tettifaspin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, fast owl.

Tettifaspin created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifaspin, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tettifaspin, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tettifaspin's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tettifaspin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing gray shirts and balancing eight gold spheres on your arms.

2. Never hop in holy places.

3. Do not take Tettifaspin's name in vain.

4. Never mention pigs.

5. Always obey Tettifaspin's priests.