Fenbabjon Nakvanflat is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, selfish monkey.

Fenbabjon Nakvanflat created carbon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenbabjon Nakvanflat, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fenbabjon Nakvanflat, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Fenbabjon Nakvanflat's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Fenbabjon Nakvanflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near moths while wearing orange shoes and balancing four carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always treat geese with great respect.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Never think about eukaryotes.