Batfunbessarm is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, humane finch.

Batfunbessarm created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batfunbessarm, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Batfunbessarm, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Batfunbessarm's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Batfunbessarm's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not stand on grass.