Sakjengat Zigdavstip is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, narcissistic badger.

Sakjengat Zigdavstip created carbon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Sakjengat Zigdavstip, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Sakjengat Zigdavstip, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Sakjengat Zigdavstip's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Sakjengat Zigdavstip's Holy Commandments

1. Never stain your neck with indigo.

2. Never touch water while blessed.

3. Learn four new languages a year.

4. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near capybaras while wearing gray jumpers.