Ortyikrak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, duplicitous beaver.

Ortyikrak created the Cigar Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortyikrak, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ortyikrak, he will destroy your home planet.

Ortyikrak's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Ortyikrak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Ortyikrak on top of all buildings.

2. Hide if three turtles approach from the west.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never write about nebulae.