Kadkadzagwee is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, slow octopus.

Kadkadzagwee created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadkadzagwee, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kadkadzagwee, she will come to you in dreams.

Kadkadzagwee's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kadkadzagwee's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat onions.

2. Shun those given to greed.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate great tits.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.