Nurlrenpig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, selfish snail.

Nurlrenpig created the solar system three million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlrenpig, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Nurlrenpig, he will send you a sign.

Nurlrenpig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Nurlrenpig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.