Beptontik is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, uncaring dryad.

Beptontik created the planet Mars five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Beptontik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Beptontik, she will turn you into a goat.

Beptontik's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Beptontik's Holy Commandments

1. Beptontik must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near snails while wearing purple stockings.

5. Never go into orange rooms.