Batpodkad is a god.

He takes the form of a small, competent deer.

Batpodkad created Africa eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batpodkad, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Batpodkad, he will turn you into a rat.

Batpodkad's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Batpodkad's Holy Commandments

1. Batpodkad must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

4. Never bounce near snails.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.