Yarquartgan is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, dishonourable finch.

Yarquartgan created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarquartgan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yarquartgan, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Yarquartgan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yarquartgan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with fawn.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never remain bowed at midnight.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near sharks while wearing purple boots and balancing five lead spheres on your chest.

5. Always wear plain hats during rituals.