Tingepmis is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, emotional penguin.

Tingepmis created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Tingepmis, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tingepmis, she will try to impress you with trees.

Tingepmis' most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tingepmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine squirrels in a large pit.

2. Never feed lots of spinach to voles while wearing orange shoes.

3. Run away from mauve ants, for they are unholy.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not cook food in pots.