Yattzighom Matsiggov is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, charitable penguin.

Yattzighom Matsiggov created an up quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yattzighom Matsiggov, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yattzighom Matsiggov, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yattzighom Matsiggov's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Yattzighom Matsiggov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill capybaras.

2. Never laugh in the presence of dogs.

3. Never mention nematodes.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.