Jipfetlat is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, all-powerful crab.

Jipfetlat created a top quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipfetlat, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jipfetlat, she will think nothing of it.

Jipfetlat's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Jipfetlat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not keep four pigs in a large pit.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tapirs.