Figdapdog is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, strong tapir.

Figdapdog created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figdapdog, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Figdapdog, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Figdapdog's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Figdapdog's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. You must love Figdapdog.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always help aardvarks.