Flagdamkin Largfoncut is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, self-confident whale.

Flagdamkin Largfoncut created dark matter three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flagdamkin Largfoncut, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flagdamkin Largfoncut, he will come to you in dreams.

Flagdamkin Largfoncut's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Flagdamkin Largfoncut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not speak about turnips.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near rats while wearing yellow stockings and balancing seven platinum spheres on your feet.

5. Never talk about enzymes.