Lenwotyam is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, loving coyote.

Lenwotyam created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lenwotyam, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Lenwotyam, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lenwotyam's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Lenwotyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near manatees while wearing magenta rings and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

3. Never think ill of sick geese.

4. Lenwotyam must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not resist order.