Hakjenfon is a god.

She takes the form of a small, unthoughtful porpoise.

Hakjenfon created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakjenfon, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakjenfon, she will turn you into a frog.

Hakjenfon's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hakjenfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never feed peanuts to gulls while wearing orange shoes.