Vabkapcam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, vain hummingbird.

Vabkapcam created an up quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabkapcam, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vabkapcam, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Vabkapcam's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Vabkapcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed gooseberries to grasshopers while wearing pink dresses.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near pigs while wearing yellow jumpers and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your arms.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never paint your legs violet.

5. Never go into white rooms.