Bessyamyarpflig is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, annoying deer.

Bessyamyarpflig created matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessyamyarpflig, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bessyamyarpflig, she will curse you with boils.

Bessyamyarpflig's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Bessyamyarpflig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear magenta.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Bessyamyarpflig on top of all buildings.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.