Wonquam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, idiotic human.

Wonquam created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wonquam, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wonquam, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Wonquam's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Wonquam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gold on your body.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never write about stars.

5. Never feed strawberries to badgers while wearing gray rings.