Lamlarngom is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, contented hippopotamus.

Lamlarngom created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamlarngom, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lamlarngom, he will turn you into a sheep.

Lamlarngom's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Lamlarngom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always remove shirts before touching silicon.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.