Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, benevolent crow.

Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn created silver three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn, it will turn you into a dog.

Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Sogfutsawtommigragvidstip Sigpomjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near mites while wearing red scarves and balancing seven titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

4. Remain bowed during prayer.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.