Ortgonweg is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, dishonest goat.

Ortgonweg created water nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortgonweg, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ortgonweg, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Ortgonweg's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Ortgonweg's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never hurt snakes.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never think about special relativity near frogs while wearing magenta corsets and balancing four carbon spheres on your head.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.