Higtarten is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, merciless fairy.

Higtarten created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Higtarten, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Higtarten, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Higtarten's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Higtarten's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat wheat on holy days.

2. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. You must never eat gooseberries.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Always cleanse water with water.