Betyatxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, witless faun.

Betyatxuc created Europe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Betyatxuc, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Betyatxuc, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Betyatxuc's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Betyatxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in winter.

2. Do not study chromosomes on holy days.

3. Do not prepare tomatoes while wearing kilts.

4. Erect four silver sculptures of Betyatxuc on top of important buildings.

5. Never tolerate songs in holy places.