Jab is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, resourceful rhinoceros.

Jab created the Black Eye Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jab, it will refuse to believe in you.

Jab's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed lots of turnips to swans while wearing black boots.

3. Never talk about special relativity.

4. Foxes are not to be trusted.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.