Xemfudkop is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, smart hummingbird.

Xemfudkop created bats five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemfudkop, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Xemfudkop, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Xemfudkop's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Xemfudkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with fear.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always remove shoes before touching platinum.

5. Always maintain obedience during holy days.