Hakpangflatquag is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive gerbil.

Hakpangflatquag created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpangflatquag, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hakpangflatquag, it will be very unhappy.

Hakpangflatquag's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Hakpangflatquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Hakpangflatquag in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never think about gravity near mice while wearing cyan shirts and balancing six carbon spheres on your feet.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.