Wapponbarn is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, wise walrus.

Wapponbarn created a Higgs boson twelve years ago.

If you believe in Wapponbarn, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wapponbarn, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Wapponbarn's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Wapponbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Wapponbarn on top of all buildings.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Hide from yellow ducks for they are unholy.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed turnips to geese while wearing indigo hats.