Bannartflab is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, fussy walrus.

Bannartflab created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Bannartflab, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bannartflab, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Bannartflab's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bannartflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak sacred words in spring.

2. Never pray while filled with envy.

3. Always remove skirts before touching silver.

4. Never feed oranges to ducks while wearing mauve hats.

5. Never talk about aardvarks.