Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, staggering dove.

Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam, he will turn you into a worm.

Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Cadtarpton Bafnuttbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Feed all hungry goats.

3. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Never feed rice to pigs while wearing boots.