Bidlakgen is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, merciless mouse.

Bidlakgen created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bidlakgen, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bidlakgen, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Bidlakgen's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bidlakgen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always look after injured whales.

5. Do not dye your hair violet.