Labarmkon is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, all-powerful raccoon.

Labarmkon created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labarmkon, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Labarmkon, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Labarmkon's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Labarmkon's Holy Commandments

1. Labarmkon loves bats, so they must be honoured.

2. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.

3. Never leap in holy places.

4. Never talk about gravity near whales while wearing white corsets.

5. Learn six new languages a year.