Jarnappluntitponbatzen is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish manatee.

Jarnappluntitponbatzen created Africa two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnappluntitponbatzen, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jarnappluntitponbatzen, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Jarnappluntitponbatzen's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Jarnappluntitponbatzen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jarnappluntitponbatzen.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Put Jarnappluntitponbatzen first in all things.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.