Jarnkopnel is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, emotional newt.

Jarnkopnel created a Higgs boson two years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkopnel, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jarnkopnel, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jarnkopnel's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Jarnkopnel's Holy Commandments

1. Always count to three before sleeping.

2. You must love Jarnkopnel.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Never mark doors with indigo.