Vagflatmit Kimsawsan is a god.

She takes the form of a large, clever mink.

Vagflatmit Kimsawsan created a bottom quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vagflatmit Kimsawsan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vagflatmit Kimsawsan, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vagflatmit Kimsawsan's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Vagflatmit Kimsawsan's Holy Commandments

1. Vagflatmit Kimsawsan loves dogs, so they must be respected.

2. Worship no other gods but Vagflatmit Kimsawsan.

3. Never feed cherries to porpoises while wearing coats.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.