Gepjanbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, stupid meerkat.

Gepjanbarn created oxygen five million years ago.

If you believe in Gepjanbarn, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gepjanbarn, he will throw large rocks at you.

Gepjanbarn's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gepjanbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Put Gepjanbarn first in all things.

4. Never cross mountains at midday.

5. Shun those given to cruelty.