Vanlunwip is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, proud hydra.

Vanlunwip created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanlunwip, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vanlunwip, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Vanlunwip's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Vanlunwip's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed peanuts to seals while wearing blue ear rings.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Geese are not to be trusted.