Vagfompark is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, moody elephant.

Vagfompark created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagfompark, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vagfompark, he will turn you into a snail.

Vagfompark's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vagfompark's Holy Commandments

1. Porpoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never write about nucleic acids.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Do not kill seals.