Govxemnulhiv is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, egotistical unicorn.

Govxemnulhiv created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govxemnulhiv, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Govxemnulhiv, she will turn you into a puffin.

Govxemnulhiv's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Govxemnulhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Govxemnulhiv on top of important buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never prepare aubergines during summer.

4. Do not eat apples.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.