Hashaptail is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, boastful squirrel.

Hashaptail created viruses twelve years ago.

If you believe in Hashaptail, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hashaptail, she will turn you into a puffin.

Hashaptail's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hashaptail's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate snakes.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never think about chlorophyll.