Larngarkap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, dishonourable warg.

Larngarkap created oxygen seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larngarkap, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Larngarkap, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Larngarkap's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Larngarkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not bounce in public.

5. Never play with disobedient children.