Cunquimveen is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, egotistical pig.

Cunquimveen created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Cunquimveen, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Cunquimveen, she will turn you into a duck.

Cunquimveen's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Cunquimveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no swans in a room before entering it.

2. Cunquimveen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never eat figs on fasting days.

4. You must never eat garlic.

5. Do not consume turnips at dawn.