Lapkomjap is a god.
It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unfair
gnu.
Lapkomjap created dark energy two trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Lapkomjap, it will grant your every desire.
If you do not believe in
Lapkomjap, it will send two she bears to sort you out.
Lapkomjap's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.
Lapkomjap's Holy Commandments1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.
2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.
3. Feed all hungry whales.
4. Never feed beans to tortoises while wearing yellow kilts.
5. Never chant near squirrels.