Lapkomjap is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unfair gnu.

Lapkomjap created dark energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapkomjap, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lapkomjap, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lapkomjap's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Lapkomjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Feed all hungry whales.

4. Never feed beans to tortoises while wearing yellow kilts.

5. Never chant near squirrels.