Bonvanrig is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, stupid salamander.

Bonvanrig created the Sombrero Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Bonvanrig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bonvanrig, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Bonvanrig's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bonvanrig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bonvanrig six times a day.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bonvanrig.

3. Do not take Bonvanrig's name in vain.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.