Taptigvonnel is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, caring grasshopper.

Taptigvonnel created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Taptigvonnel, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taptigvonnel, he will cry a lot.

Taptigvonnel's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Taptigvonnel's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

2. Do not wear shorts marked with gray.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Retreat if eight snails approach from the south.