Bitlatcet is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, all-powerful meerkat.

Bitlatcet created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitlatcet, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bitlatcet, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Bitlatcet's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bitlatcet's Holy Commandments

1. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Bitlatcet must be the most important thing in your life.