Witcephinkan is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omniscient clam.

Witcephinkan created the planet Saturn seven million years ago.

If you believe in Witcephinkan, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Witcephinkan, it will turn you into a plant.

Witcephinkan's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Witcephinkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

4. Never feed lots of beans to geese while wearing red dresses.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.