Voltargontgan is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, intelligent hyena.

Voltargontgan created water three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Voltargontgan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Voltargontgan, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Voltargontgan's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Voltargontgan's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention grasshopers.

2. Put Voltargontgan first in all things.

3. Never go into orange rooms.

4. You must pray to Voltargontgan seven times a day.

5. Do not hurt capybaras.