Appmaddan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, caring yak.

Appmaddan created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Appmaddan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Appmaddan, he will boil you in a big pot.

Appmaddan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Appmaddan's Holy Commandments

1. Put Appmaddan first in all things.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.