Tampasmid is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, irritating manatee.

Tampasmid created a photon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tampasmid, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tampasmid, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tampasmid's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tampasmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross rivers at midnight.

2. Never point your feet toward the north during prayer.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

5. Do not consume melons at dawn.